The Grandparents

Kim asked in a comment on Belated Update for me to talk a little bit about dealing with the baby’s grandparents. Fortunately for us, all of Aiden’s grandparents have been great (and he has 6 of them.) I think a big part of that is that we kind of all know, they are welcome to give advice, but we reserve the right to not take the advice if we want to do something else. Do we have instances where the grandparents advise us of something that we don’t do and they are a little upset by it? Yeah occasionally. But for the most part we do pretty well.

Lets face it, having grandparents close by can be a great help. They can help with babysitting, getting chores done that just can't be handled with the baby in tow. They add another layer of love and affection to the baby's life that they just wouldn't get from daycare or a sitter.

Now I know that not all new parents are in the same position as we are. Some people just don't like their in-laws. Fortunately for us, we both love our in-laws and that makes things a whole lot easier, because you don't have that barrier of dealing with someone you aren't very fond of.

As for the advice... One of the things that we always need to keep in mind is that a lot has changed in the last 30 years in how doctor’s recommend bringing up your baby. 30 years ago parents were told to let their babies sleep on their stomachs, now sleeping on the stomach is a big no-no. 30 years ago babies didn’t get acid reflux, they just had colic and you dealt with the crying. Does that mean what worked for our parents then won’t work for us now? Not at all. But we have to take into consideration the changes in the medical research on what is best for our babies and then make the best, most educated decision that we can.

Since Kim put out the example of the Christmas party and the whole family being around, I will use that example. I don't exactly disagree with Kim’s decision to keep the baby in the bedroom and allow only the occasional visitors with lots of washed hands, but we made a different decision. Yes, hand washing is important, and we try to make sure everyone cleans up before they handle Aiden. But from our reading, the first 2 months or so aren’t really an issue for sicknesses picked up from being around other people. The baby has just spent 10 months being exposed to everything that momma has been exposed to and their immunity is at one of the strongest points it will be at for a long time. Of course this rule does not hold true for preemies and in other instances. But for us, Aiden was just about 8 weeks old when he was Baptized and he was in a room with about 25 other people all holding him and playing with him, and he did not suffer any ill effects. But that was our choice with our child, based on the information we had. Kim's decision is just as valid.

Now new parents should never be ridiculed for any decision they make. The only time they should be chastised is if their decision could directly cause harm to their children. Let’s face it, raising a child is an effort in trial and error, and is different for every set of parents. What was true 30 years ago certainly is not true today, but what is true for me and my baby doesn’t necessarily hold true for you and yours either. If there were one sure way to bring up your baby, there would be one definitive rule book and we would all have perfect children.

So take the advice for what it is, the concerned words of wisdom from someone who has been there before. But then make your own decision and stand behind that decision. If someone gives you grief for the decision you make, stand up and let them know you appreciate their input but you are going to raise your child the way you see fit. And you would appreciate if they would respect your choices and stand behind you rather than giving you a hard time for trying to be a good parent. Because, at the end of the day, that is the new main focus of our lives, to be the best parents we can. The grandparents advice can be useful, sometimes it can counter everything your doctor says, sometimes it might be downright comic, but take it as their good intentions, then decide what YOU are going to do. They will have to respect your decisions in the long run.